LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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