Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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