I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
