He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
