Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
