Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
