I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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