the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
