So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize