wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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