Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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