i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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