Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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