now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
