I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
