I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
