So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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