I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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