Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
