i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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