My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
