I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need water and some morals
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
