I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
