Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
