What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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