she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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