I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
