I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
