I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
