i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
