i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
