She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
