I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
