If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
