i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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