OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
