He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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