The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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