Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
