The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
