His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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