Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
