I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
