That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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