College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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