i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
whose ass print is on the piano?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
