my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
