Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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