Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
