my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
