he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
