Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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