her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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