It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
