I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
