had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
