I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
