when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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