Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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