ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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