So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
