I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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