my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
