I am in a vortex of obligation.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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