Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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