it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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