Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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