You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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