who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Enjoy the penises
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
