just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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