we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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