Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize