My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
