can u get pink eye on your cock?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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