did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
