It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
